A chef and a cook: Therein lies the difference between Jamie and Sunny

As promised a quick review of the other two new Food Network cooking shows:

The Chef
Jamie Oliver, the artist formerly known as "The Naked Chef," has re-invented himself, not so much in how he prepares food, but in how he presents it.

Jamie first impressed viewers in 1998 when, at the age of 22, his "Naked Chef" show featured the spiky-haired urbanite zooming around London on his moped, securing fresh ingredients for simple (but not simplistic) flavorful dinners he'd prepare in his loft apartment kitchen and serve to his posh Gen X friends.

The pace of the show was quick, modern and uber-hip, and Oliver became a minor celebrity.

Today, after seven years in which he pursued a variety of activities -- most notably trying to rid Britain's public schools of processed foods -- Oliver's back as a laid-back Birkenstock-wearing country boy.

The new show is as sparsely produced as is Oliver's food, and that drives home the point. You see extreme close-ups of brightly colored food (and of Oliver's sausage-like fingers). You hear no music, only the chopping, popping, sizzling and splashing of food preparation.

The second episode of "Jamie at Home" featured asparagus, prepared in a variety of ways, redolent of the simple Mediterranean flavors and aromas he'd first presented in "The Naked Chef."

One scene finds Oliver sitting in his herb garden (herb pronounced with the full English "H" of course), pulling some chervil from a plant, adding it to a sizzling pan of olive oil, then frying up some fresh fish and asparagus. Yummy.

The only issue for American viewers is translating all the metric measurements (500 grams of this and 250 grams of that) into American units. (The series is produced by the BBC, and it debuted in Europe last year.)

At the end of the day, though, it's clear Oliver is a talented young chef whose basic theme -- simple, fresh and elegant foods can be prepared by anyone, anywhere -- is a timeless message that's as important today as it was 10 years ago.

The Cook
Oliver's training contrasts greatly with that of "Cooking for Real" host Sunny Anderson's training.

Anderson is an Air Force veteran who has run her own caterinig business and has served as food editor at Hip Hop Weekly magazine. She's not a chef, and she makes no claims to be one.

Unfortunately, the recipes she puts together on her show underscore that.

Her second episode, "Mexin' it Up," featured recipes that both echo and contradict Oliver's call for freshness. She forgets the importance of simplicity, however, in an attempt to create uniqueness.

For example, she creates an interesting (if not all that appetizing) version of huevos rancheros featuring all fresh ingredients. She bakes them in ramekins, but the end result isn't as appealing as she tells us it will be. Contrasting that is a batch of deep-fried churros that ends up being so time consuming and intensive that no home viewer is likely to take that much time and expend that much effort.

Where Oliver is a chef who also understands the challenges his non-chef viewers face daily, Anderson is a cook who works too hard to make up for that difference.

Still, Anderson's show in its infancy is better than anything Rachael Ray has done in her decades (or does it just seem that long) on television.

New Food Network shows: One good, one not

The Food Network added four new shows this month, hoping to fill some glaring holes in its programming schedule.

Three of the shows feature new talent, while the fourth is hosted by Jamie Oliver, formerly known as "The Naked Chef" -- a reference to his uncomplicated cooking style, not his state of undress.

Two of the shows feature African-American hosts, which is a real breakthrough in a genre and a network that have been the exclusive territory of white Americans and Europeans, with an occasional Australian thrown in.

The four shows and their hosts:

• "Cooking for Real" with Sunny Anderson
• "Jamie at Home" with Jamie Oliver
• "Down Home with the Neelys" with Pat and Gina Neely
• "Rescue Chef" with Danny Boome

I'll wait to write about "Cooking for Real" and "Jamie at Home" next week.

Of the two I watched last week, "Down Home with the Neelys" carries the most potential for survival.

While the show should probably be followed by a show hosted by Nathan Pritikin's ghost, the hosts genuine enthusiasm and the knowledge they have about their specialty (barbecue) makes it s fun show to watch. Yeah, the portions are huge, and the food is uber-fatty, but it sure looks tasty. If you don't know how to monitor your own food intake for balance and portion size, then this may not be your show.

The biggest question: how will the owners of a barbecue restaurant in Memphis come up with fresh show ideas through the course of this season and hopefully into a second?

"Rescue Chef" appears to be a warmed-over version of Tyler Florence's old "Food 911." Unfortunately, Florence's professional demeanor and pedagogic flare have been replaced by Boome's pretty-boy camera-mugging and hog-the-knife pedantry.

In short, get down-home with the Neelys (just cut the portions in half), and lower Boome on your list of television priorities.

You go, grill: KFC tests charred chicks

Signs of the Apocalypse continue to shower the land. And yesterday's news comes from one of the great grease purveyors in my lifetime, KFC. (I still think of it as Kentucky Fried Chicken, but I'm old.)

True to their former name, KFC has continued to fry just about everything on its menu, salad greens and pot pies notwithstanding. Yesterday, though, the company announced that it will test-market grilled chicken in six U.S. markets. Among the diverse set of markets is Colorado Springs.

Other test cities include noted fatties Indianapolis, Jacksonville, San Diego and Oklahoma City, andfitness fanatical Austin.

(In the 2007 Men's Fitness magazine ranking of America's fattest and fittest cities, OKC was 15th fattest, Indianapolis was 16th, San Diego was a surprising 21st, and Jax was 23rd. On the other side, Colorado Springs was 3rd fittest, while Austin was 21st.)

Those cities will give KFC valuable feedback on its test menu items, most notably its marinated chicken, which will contain 60 to 180 calories and 3 to 9 fat grams per chicken piece. The regular fried chicken pieces look like this:

• Wing (130 calories, and 8 fat grams) and Extra Crispy Wing (170 and 11)
  
• Breast (360 and 21) and EC Breast (440 and 27)
  
• Leg (130 and 8) and EC Leg (160 and 10)
  
• Thigh (330 and 24) and EC Thigh (370 and 28)
• Large Popcorn Chicken (550 and 35)

Add a serving of mashed potatoes and gravy (140 and 5), some mac and cheese (180 and 8) and a biscuit (220 and 11) to an extra crispy breast, and you've just downed 980 calories and 51 fat grams, or about half a day's calories and an entire day's fat grams.

Don't be fooled into thinking a pot pie is a healthy choice, as it contains 770 calories and 40 fat grams.

However, if the grilled chicken test works, you will be able to go to a KFC and get a reasonably healthy meal:

• A grilled breast (180 calories and 9 fat grams)
• Green beans (50 and 1.5)
• A small corn on the cob (70 and 1.5)
• Baked Beans (220 and 1) and
• Water (0 and 0)

Together, that's 520 calories and 13 fat grams, and quite a bit of food.

Last year, KFC eliminated trans fats from all its food, and it claims to also be working to reduce sodium levels in its food. Further, KFC has an animal welfare policy that seems to address concerns regarding hormone levels in chicken.

Let's hope the test goes well for them.

Do the Crazy Ivan at Mad Greens

Southeast Fort Collins hit the healthy fast-food jackpot earlier this winter when Mad Greens opened a franchise in a strip mall at Timberline and Harmony (it's nestled between a Chipotle and a Floyd's Barber Shop).

It's a perfect location for the suburban set who still equates healthy eating with salads (God forbid anyone really learn to eat or cook with tofu, Brussels sprouts or parsnips -- OK, I'll do that next week) and salads only.

You've seen the bumper sticker: "Eat Beef: The West wasn't won on a salad." Thank you, North Dakota Beef Commission. There's more to vegetarian eating than leaves.

That written, Mad Greens does leaves right. And, in general, you're probably going to leave the store with a better and happier stomach than if you'd ordered to triple greasy gut-bomb from Burger Nova.

A thorough perusal of the Mad Greens nutrition charts for salads and dressings reveals some interesting information, and it underscores that any consumer needs to be aware of the combinations s/he orders.

As with any salad, health-conscious diners need to be careful the dressing isn't adding most of the calories. And even though a salad may look heavy, combined with a lighter dressing, the heaviest salad might actually be the most healthy.

For example, the Crazy Ivan carries the most calories (572) on the menu, as well as 34 fat grams and nearly 43 grams of carbs. But a quick look at Ivan's ingredients reveals a cornucopia of healthy fats, fibrous veggies and good protein. In fact, adding chicken to another salad still won't get you to the same level as Ivan's protein mark, and you'd have to pay more. Eliminate the croutons, and you get rid of a bunch of the carbs and calories without losing protein or fiber.

The Crazy Ivan (sans the croutons):

• Salad Greens
• Beets
• Pumpkin Seeds
• Goat Cheese

Absolutely nothing wrong with that, and by removing the croutons, you can add back in some of the calories by ordering it with one of the olive or canola oil vinaigrettes. I'd recommend Port wine, lemon curry or balsamic.

On the flip side, if you're ordering one of the low-calorie salads (fewer than 200 calories) you might risk not getting enough calories to fuel your afternoon. Adding chicken to the Custer, the Van Gogh, the Nobo Seagaru, the Da Vinci or the MAD Molly Brown seems almost essential for a normal-sized adult.

Among the dressings, the ginger soy has the healthiest nutritional profile, but its pungent flavors might not work with certain dressing ingredients.

Sunset and Fine: Magazine stews up winner

As a magazine, venerable old Sunset continues to wobble along as it sees many of its sister lifestyle magazines founder and falter.

Founded in 1898 as a mouthpiece publication for the Southern Pacific Railroad company, Sunset still seeks to promote the Western lifestyle, despite the vast differences in living in Hawaii compared to, say, Tensleep, Wyoming.

Part of the magazine's appeal, even as HGTV and hyper-active home remodelers continue to turn lifestyle media into advertisements for Lowe's and Home Depot, continues to be its recipe sections. And one of the February entries rates as the best beef stew I've ever made (though I made it as a bison stew).

"Smoky Beef Stew with Blue Cheese and Chives" still has a few weeks of cold and windy winter that it can warm before we start moving out to the grill.

The ingredients, as I've already parenthetically mentioned, are negotiable to an extent:

• Carrots and potatoes are traditional beef stew ingredients, and tough to argue with in this classic because you don't want super-pungent root veggies distracting your taste buds from the smoky richness of the wine-based broth;
• Chipotle powder is nice, but I used a guajillo powder along with the pimiento ahumado;
• For the wine, I started with the Big House Red, a central California red with just the right strength to complement, but not overpower, the smoky spices and the bison. Of course, I had to sample the Big House, so I finished the stew by softening the potatoes and carrots in a Holy Cow merlot from the Columbia River Valley in Washington. (We're finishing that bottle and the stew at a reasoned pace.);
• Smoked bacon, such as Nueske's, is essential;
• Bison is just as good as beef, especially if you up the fat content with either extra oil or an extra slice of bacon;
  
• Canola oil doesn't get in the way of the stew, as a more flavorful oil might; and
  
• Don't forget the blue cheese; though the stew's great without it, the cheese pushes it over the top.
  

You should not deviate, however, from the preparation method or utensils. Browning the meat in a Dutch oven indeed takes time, but the resulting brown crust at the bottom of the pan starts to loosen when you add the smoked bacon. The roux that results ratchets up the entire sauce. And cook everything the amount of time requested. Stew ingredients need to hang out with each other for awhile before they're ready to commit.

I loved it. My wife loved it. These readers of Sunset loved it.

If you have a few hours on a cold weekend day, you'll love making and eating it.

Fourthmeal redux: Triglyceride stacking

Good journalists always follow stories as new information surfaces come up, and good bloggers should be good journalists. Thus, this little nugget from The New York Times regarding the Taco Bell invention, "Fourthmeal."

Last week I wrote that Fourthmeal appears to be creeping into our popular lexicon, but that most young people still associate the term (if not the practice) with Taco Bell. Chalk one up for marketers.

But the argument has been made by Taco Bell executives and their hired marketing guns that Taco Bell wasn't necessarily promoting an extra meal, but that it was promoting a good place to eat if a person's final meal came late in the evening.

So some researchers decided to ask this key question:

If a person eats a normal amount of food, but just happens to eat some of it late in the evening (early in the morning), what difference does it make in that person's health?

The answer: Eating immediately before bed appears to be a bad idea.

According to Dr. Louis J. Aronne in this health feature from The New York Times, it has to do with triglyceride levels, metabolic syndrome and insulin resistance. In layperson's terms, if you eat before bedtime, the calories you consume will likely be stored as fat.

As with many medical conundra, though, there are others who argue total caloric intake is all that matters.

"It's a simple rule - it's calories in and calories out," Steven Aldana, a researcher at Brigham Young University, told the Lakeland (Fla.) Ledger last year. "But if you are having four full meals during the day, you are going be storing excess calories in the form of fat. It's just the law of physics. If your calorie content is too high, that's going to contribute to excessive weight, which is not something we need a whole lot more of in the United States."

Study supports supersized Spurlock

Do you remember a movie from a few years back called "Supersize Me"?

In it, filmmaker Morgan Spurlock -- by most measures a fit, lean man in his early 30s at the time -- subjected himself to an all-McDonald's diet for one month. During that month, if any McDonald's employee asked Spurlock if he wanted to "supersize" the meal, he would have to assent.

Spurlock, 32, stood 6-feet-2 and weighed 185 pounds when he began the experiment in February 2003. After his month-long grease orgy, he weighed 210 pounds and experienced a decreased libido and liver dysfunction. He wasn't able to get back to his healthy weight until the summer of 2004, when the film was released.

Of course, McDonald's fired back that Spurlock's experiment was unreasonable, that no one in his/her right mind would choose such an unhealthy diet. To their credit, the corporate burger peddlers responded by limiting supersized options and by providing more healthy menus choices.

But it turns out that fatty fast foods likely do cause liver damage, even if they're not consumed in the same quantities as Spurlock ate them.

Swedish researchers, led by an MD at the University Hospital at Linkoping, have released a report of their study in which they asked healthy medical students to adopt a modified Spurlock diet for four weeks:

• They ate two fast-food meals per day during that time
• They gained 5 to 15 percent of their body weight (Spurlock put on 14 percent)
• They adopted the same sedentary approach to (non)-exercise

Eleven of the 18 fast-food eaters developed signs of liver damage, as measured by increased levels of a particular enzyme.

A group of subjects who maintained healthy eating and exercise habits showed no signs of liver damage.




"Supersize Me"

Make that "The Freshman Fifty": Taco Bell wins

It has been about two years now since Taco Bell marketers gave a name to that late-night college habit of binging on bad food: Fourthmeal.

Taco Bell even created an interactive Web site -- modeled on Second Life simulation games -- in order to make it even more real (surreal) for its clients. In it, a self-confessed "corporate shill" explains that young adults need "fuel" if "you're going to burn the midnight oil."

OK.

College students have been eating unhealthy foods at unholy hours for most of the past 60 years. But this is the first time any corporate peddler has tried to name it and attach it to interactive technology in an attempt to get college student money headed in their specific direction.

So has the strategy worked? Has the term "Fourthmeal" made it into the 16-25 lexicon?

Well, it made the Urban Dictionary, and the first reference to it doesn't mention the Taco Bell connection. That's effective (sneaky, disgusting, brilliant: you pick the adjective) marketing. The second entry supposes a connection with Taco Bell.

Several myspace profiles and other social-networking personal pages are registered to people with names that either are "Fourthmeal" or contain the coined name. Now, whether those all have been cleverly placed by Taco Bell ad folks (my guess: probably many of them) or whether most are people who really are silly enough to adopt a marketing strategy as an online persona (sadly, there are) requires more time to research than I have.

One columnist from the student newspaper at Wright State University in Ohio two weeks ago used "Fourthmeal" in a column as a general reference.

Finally, a simple Google blog search indicates that while the habit of eating at Taco Bell late at night may now have a formal name, the marketing strategy has yet to sink into the popular consciousness as a generic term.

In the end, I guess that means Taco Bell has won: "Fourthmeal" elicits visions of their food, not anybody else's.

And nutritionists weep.

Bourdain needs a break

OK, I gave him Greece, but Anthony Bourdain's uninspired prose and worn-out mien during last night's trek through Jamaica lead me to one conclusion: Tony's fourth season of "No Reservations" was overbooked.

Two months and seven episodes into the Travel Channel's most interesting show, and it's clear Bourdain's network is desperate to push its most noted personality beyond the point where he's able to remain a personality.

In Greece, Tony looked disinterested. In Jamaica, Tony looked flat-out tired. Dare I say a little old, too? Yep.

The show's lineup was a little too predictable: Tony goes to market; Tony eats local fave street food; Tony eats fish on the beach; Tony interviews local artist; Tony laments not being able to get stoned on camera; Tony stays up too late and drinks too much.

Been there, seen it, a few dozen times.

Further, Bourdain's scripts seem to have little of the insight that generally make him so engaging. He seems a little too enamored of his own word-smithing; thus, he doesn't let his subjects (whom we presume to be interesting) talk for themselves often enough.

Granted, Greece and Jamaica are just two of his episodes this year (Singapore, Berlin, Vacouver, New Orleans and London/Edinburgh were the other five), and the rest have been slightly better.

I'm sure Bourdain is just as clever, insightful and engaging as ever. In order to stay fresh, though, I just wish he'd take a vacation every once in a while.

No Schweddy Balls: Rossetto Risotto Rocks

Lynn Rossetto Kasper's radio show, "The Splendid Table," may be most famous for a parody of it courtesy Saturday Night Live and Alec Baldwin.

You most likely remember a fake NPR show called "The Delicious Dish," starring Margaret Jo McCullen and Teri Rialto, played by Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon. Their guest, Pete Schweddy (Baldwin), presented his special Schweddy Balls during a holiday segment.

The whole thing was an eighth-grade hoot full of penis and testicle jokes, but it remains one of the funniest skits ever on SNL.

That aside, if you haven't ever listened to Kasper's show (2 p.m. on Sundays in Northern Colorado on KUNC, 91.5), you're missing out on some fun stuff. She trots out a host of regular guests, most notably the Sterns, Jane and Michael, authors of something called "Road Food," for which they also have a Web site.

Jane and Michael sound like a parody of Darien, Connecticut, snobs who traipse around the country (the South, it seems, almost too often) and give us rousing report of these things called "Biscuits and Gravy," and "Fried Chicken."

Jane: Oh, my goodness, Lynn. You wouldn't believe these wonderfully flaky, perfectly round little morsels they're serving up at this roadside place. They called them "biscuits," and they pair it with a piece of salty meat, called "Ham." It's to die for, really.

Lynn: Ooh, how quaint.

Michael: Then they serve it with the most wonderful tea, complete with a cup of sugar. It's called "Sweet Tea." Can you believe it? Heaven.

Also, it seems Lynn stalls her callers sometimes while one of her aides is busy Googling a particular culinary conundrum, but her advice usually rings true.

The show aside (and it's always good for a tip and a laugh), Lynn also offers an e-mail service from her site in which she offers up reasonably simple to prepare, but complex-tasting mid-week meals. I take her advice at least once a month it seems, and she's rarely made a bad suggestion.

Today's suggestion: "Farmwoman's Risotto" or Risotto alla Contadina.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Like any risotto recipe, you need to prepare all the ingredients ahead of time so you're precisely timing their addition to the pot. And you need to stir constantly, never leaving the stove. But it pays off in incredible flavor.

Also, I left some of the herbs in the pot (instead of adding sprigs only and removing them before serving), I substituted speck (smoked prosciutto) for the pancetta, and I used a good Pecorino Romano sheep's cheese instead of the cow's cheeses she suggested.

The result is a chunky veggie-laden (hence, "Farmwoman's" Risotto) risotto that went perfectly with a little leftover emu meatloaf covered in tomato sauce, arugula/blue cheese salad sprinkled with balsamic-honey-mustard vinaigrette, and a couple of glasses of Three-Buck-Chuck Merlot and Sauvignon Blanc dregs left over from last week.

Thanks, Holly.

Buen Provecho.

Starbucks for a buck? Why not here?

I've always been annoyed at restaurants that don't show their entire menus, be it in print or on a billboard behind the counter.

Starbucks, for instance, doesn't put its "short" drink on the menu, even though at eight ounces, it's a much more reasonably sized coffee drink for most people.

And if you like espresso drinks, the less water and/or milk, the stronger the coffee flavor. Of course, if you go to Starbucks for a milkshake with a hint of coffee, you pass up the "tall" and "grande" in favor of the "venti."

Two weeks ago, Starbucks announced it would be offering $1 short coffees -- with free refills -- at a few of its Seattle stores. The chain didn't say how many of its 300 Seattle stores would carry the offer, though. A "tall" 12-ounce cup usually costs about $1.60 here in Fort Collins, while a short costs $1.35 in most spots (though you won't know until you ask).

Business analysts have astutely surmised that this 35-cent cut and re-fill trial is Starbucks' answer to all the "premium" coffeess now being sold at non-premium sites like McDonald's, Wendy's and Subway.

It's hard to say whether it will work, but if you're drinking Starbucks anywhere but Seattle, ask your local barista why they don't advertise the "short" (not enough profit margin in selling eight ounces of coffee), if you can have one for $1 (please), and if they provide a re-fill for free (you'll be getting a "grande" at half-price that way).

Why should Seattle-ites get all the buzz?

Frasca-licious

I've read and heard so much about the Boulder restaurant Frasca over the past three years, it seems as if I've eaten there a dozen times or more (though all I've done is made unfilled reservations):

• A local hog farmer has talked about how his home-grown pork is used in their recipes;
• Local cheesemakers and mushroom growers have told me that the restaurant also uses their product;
• And Denver Post food writer Tucker Shaw has devoted several stories, columns and reviews to the Friulian restaurant (Shaw, in fact, bestowed a rare four-star rating on Frasca when it opened in 2005).

Frioul is an archipelago in the Mediterranean off Marseilles in southern France. The region shares some of its food traditions with northern Italy.

And that's where we come in with today's review of food sections, an interesting read in which Shaw interviews the co-owners of Frasca.

Included are seven recipes in the print version of the Post (five online) that appear to be elegantly simple, provided you're able to procure the right kinds of cheeses: Grilled Coloroado Beef Short Ribs with Radicchio di Treviso, Barbecued Chicken with Rosemary Roasted Potatoes and Red Pepper Jelly, Frasca's Tomato and Meatballs, Pickled Shallot and Pesto Vinaigrette, Frico Caldo, Malted Milk Chocolate Gelato, and Cocoa-Almond Biscotti.

Featuring a combination of veal, lamb, bacon, and ricotta and Montasio cheese, the meatballs appear to be especially savory.

Frasca owners make wine recommendations for each dish, too.

So for those of you who probably won't drive to Boulder and spend the money to dine at Frasca, here's a chance to stretch your own culinary skills and at least try a little Friulano cuisine, as interpreted by chefs who have earned national acclaim.

If you've read this far, I'll invite you over for dinner, and I'll prepare at least a couple of these dishes for you. Just bring the wine.

You want whole grains? Here's where to go

I love a good Subway sandwich, for many reasons: the store is close to where I work (in the same building), with just a little work you can order a reasonably healthy meal (they have apples and water bottles now), and the staff at my local shop is friendly and efficient beyond any reasonable expectation.

Yet, as Lesley Stahl told us on "60 Minutes" late last year, you can go very, very wrong at Subway if you don't know how to order a healthy meal. There's still plenty of cheese, mayonnaise, sugary dressings and sodas, potato chips and other artery cloggers nestled beneath the sneeze guard, piled on the chip racks and available at the drink dispenser.

By and large, Americans are savvy enough to know which of those foods are generally healthy, which are to be eaten in moderation, and which should be avoided altogether. Americans know, too, that they should be eating more whole grains.

Still, while waiting in line, I often hear customers order their sandwiches on "whole wheat" bread, which Subway does not offer. They have a wheat bread, but it's not whole grain. I've heard this order in several different stores in two different states, and I've yet to hear any of the "Sandwich Artists" correct the customer.

Here's the skinny: a six-inch wheat roll at Subway provides four grams of fiber in 200 calories. A same-sized honey oat roll offers five grams, presumably because of the few sprinkles of oats on the bread. The trade-off is the 250 calories.

So why doesn't Subway offer whole grain rolls, what with the entire country seemingly on a quest to improve the national bowel movement?

It's a calculated business decision based on Subway's belief that Americans may talk a good game, but they really don't want to eat healthier foods. Their executive chef admitted that a couple of years ago to sfgate.com.

"People say they want things, and then they don't really want them," Chris Martone said, noting taste tests that Subway has done with whole grain rolls.

So where does one go to find whole grains? After all, adult women need at least 12 grams per day, while men need 17 grams, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

The Whole Grains Council provides lists of restaurants and other food services around the country. In Fort Collins, you'll find Great Harvest, Panera, Whole Foods, Olive Garden, Noodles and Co., and even McDonald's, who offers a chicken sandwich an a bun with eight grams of fiber. Other restaurants on the list can be found as close as Loveland and all the way to Denver and Boulder.

Ro-Tel and Velveeta? Denver Post disappoints

This is the first of a weekly look at the Wednesday food sections from both near and far.

First, The Denver Post weighs in on Super Bowl spreads, and reminds us that this isn't the day to get all fancy in the kitchen.

So what do they give us? Well, how about Velveeta and Ro-tel dip?

Kids, if you don't know how to melt Velveeta in a microwave and pour in some canned salsa, you're better off at Old Chicago's paying $6 for a professional microwaver who can pour it over your chips.

The Post gives us a decent basic chili recipe (which they claim is special because it uses bison -- ooh, aah), but if you're looking for anything sophisticated, original or tasty, for that matter, today's a pass on the Post.

Jay Dedrick from The Rocky Mountain News is much more thoughtful in his attempt to add some life to what promises to be a pretty dull game.

Jay, a CSU graduate, lines up traditional food favorites with perfect beer pairings. The beers he chooses are good local varieties from Northern Colorado brewers, but the recipes are available only if the good readers goes out and buys a copy of a cookbook from Anheuser-Busch.

Now that's no fun.

Of course, our local shopper, The Fort Collins Coloradoan, pulls an AP story and offers just one recipe online. It's a good one, though, for chipotle bacon salsa.

With all that dipping going on, The New York Times actually takes us back to a classic "Seinfeld" episode and revives the debate regarding double-dipping. Worth a read as you dive into your Velveeta Ro-Tel masterpiece.

Have fun.

Pickle my onions in the Yucatan

Whether they're layered atop panuchos and salbutes, or sidled up next to papadzules, poc chuc and pibil, pickled onions are the seemingly ubiquitous accoutrement to any true Yucatecan dish.

To an American public used to the Tex-Mex cuisine featured at most U.S. Mexican restaurants, the Yucatan's distinct and exciting foods sometimes come as a shock to first-time visitors. I remember going to Merida in 1986 and being stunned at the diversity and the freshness of the food presented me everywhere I went, from street-vendor stalls to fancy restaurants.

And even if all you do to acquaint yourself with the Yucatan is to hit up the tourist areas in Cancun, Playa del Carmen and Tulum, you can still avail yourself to the region's gastronomic wonders.

Rick Bayless devoted an entire season of his television show, "Mexico: One Plate at a Time," to Yucatecan food.

I'll spend more time myself recalling some of the food I ate on my latest foray to the Yucatan (Jan. 2-15 this year), but for now, here's what you need to know about pickled onions:

A. They're everywhere
B. They're tasty
C. They're essential to any true Yucatecan dish
D. They're easy to make

The only difference between what you might be able to make in the U.S. and what you would make in the Yucatan is the apparent lack of sour oranges in the U.S. Other ingredients -- red onions, salt -- are too simple. But sour oranges (otherwise known as "bitter" or "Seville") oranges are more difficult to find in the U.S.

Without sour oranges, you're likely to find the recipes calling for regular orange juice and vinegar, or for regular orange juice mixed with lime juice. You can do a Google search and get any number of Yucatecan pickled onion recipes, and any of them will work, but if you can find sour oranges, all the better.

Buen Provecho

"Does street food make the best cuisine?"

Calvin Trillin asks this question in his Sept. 3/10 New Yorker article about street vendors in Singapore, and it's also a key theme in any number of television food shows, most notably Rick Bayless' "Mexico: One Plate at a Time" on PBS and "Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations," a Travel Channel staple.

Bayless regularly opens his show in a market, noshing on authentic food dished up by Mexican vendors. Sure, he also hits up some trendy restaurants serving not-so-traditional cuisine, but he usually shows how the traditional street food influences even the most progressive chefs.

Bourdain, in this week's episode from Argentina, stepped into one of Buenos Aires' infamous villas miserias to sample a stew made from hog parts, chorizo, squash and beans. Bourdain (though obviously accompanied by his crew and a native Argentinian) was in his element, eating simple food prepared in a streetside cazuela, just as he has in numerous cities around the world.

The one constant in foreign street food tends to be the inclusion of "lesser" cuts of meat, which Bourdain and Travel Channel chum Andrew Zimmern coaxed from a New York restaurateur preparing organ meats for his clientele.

"The rest of the world doesn't eat filet mignon," he told his celebrity guests. The history of the world's nutrition, he argued, owes much more to livers, chitlins and brains than it does to juicy choice cuts.

Trillin on Americans' ideas about street food:

"For an American visitor the operational translation for signs that ostensibly say something like 'bhel puri' or 'tacos de nopales' is 'Delivery System for Unfamiliar Bugs That You Will Bitterly Regret Having Ingested.' "

He continues to describe Singapore's efforts from the 1970s to enforce higher public health standards on its street vendors. That effort resulted in all vendors being brought to central markets with proper health controls.

Fort Collins' most famous street vendor, the gyro guy who sets up in Old Town and feeds the barflies there, is a start, but he can hardly replace the kinds of experiences that Trillin, Bayless, Bourdain and Zimmern encourage us to try.

Rock is Gay: Go Big Red

Nebraska, which hasn't won a conference title in college football this century, went on the road Saturday and defeated the defending Atlantic Coast Conference champion 20-17. Admittedly, the Cornhuskers played an uneven game against Wake Forest, and NU made its share of mistakes. But in the end, coach Callahan's team earned its second victory in as many games.

So Nebraska fan (I'm aggregating here), is moved to negativity by the outcome. Those of you who may be fans of Michigan, Notre Dame and Colorado State (three 0-2 teams at this point in the season) may ask "Why?"

Here goes.

Nebraska fan spent has spent most of his (I'll risk the gender specificity in this case because I think it fits) life watching Nebraska football in the way most of the rest of you watch a classic movie, be it "Casablanca," "Citizen Kane," "Animal House" or "Old School."

He turns on the tube at the appointed Saturday afternoon hour, settles in with a beverage and some unhealthy foodstuffs, and expects to see a classic script out of the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s or 1990s. The script reads something like this:

A. Archetypal characters are established: the virtuous head coach, the misunderstood superstar and the scrappy overachieving non-scholarship player. On the other sideline stands the embodiment of evil, be it named Switzer, McCartney, Spurrier, Devine or Stoops (perfect casting, in his case).
B. Dramatic tension is established early, and complications in the plot lead to at least some surface conflict that the VHC, the MUS and the SONSP must overcome.
C. Intermission brings a little uncertainty, but we know the final act will restore justice, usually in a punishing climax in which the uber-villain throws a visor on the ground.
D. The denouement involves a fourth-string quarterback genuflecting, presumably in honor of the VHC.

Unfortunately, the old screenwriter died in Boulder about six years ago, and the plots have never been the same. For a while there, the bad guys were winning as often as the VHC. And now, even when the good guys come out on top (such as this past Saturday), it's in a way that somehow doesn't feel quite right.

Look at it this way. Have you ever watched one of the classic Rock Hudson-Doris Day romps of the 1960s? You know, the ones where Doris and Rock flirted for two hours before finally realizing they were right for each other and deciding to spend the rest of their lives in matching twin beds? "Pillow Talk," "That Touch of Mink," "Move Over Darling." Yeah, those.

OK, now watch them over and over, all the while trying to appreciate the movies from a romantic, "this-is-the-way-the-world-should-be" early 1960s perspective. I'll wait.

Now comes the part where I tell you Rock is gay. And if he weren't, Doris wouldn't have coquetted around for two years, she would have talked him out of his tux and boxers before the first date. Where does the story go from there? Pretty shocking if you've been enjoying the films between episodes of "The Andy Griffith Show."

So it is with watching Nebraska football. The plots twists are different, the characters not quite the same, the VHC has been replaced by some short guy who swears occasionally.

This isn't to say there won't be a revival season sometime in the near future where all the classics are played out in true Osbornian fashion. (Though, to be perfectly honest, as a playwright, Tom's work really didn't reach its literary potential until the mid-1990s.)

Until that time, though, enjoy watching the new movies, no matter where they may lead.

Rock is Gay. And Go Big Red.

He wants to eat Fort Collins

I have a cousin visiting from Omaha this weekend, and I want to show him a decent time and a little bit of what makes Fort Collins unique. (We've already done the brewery tours with him, so don't start there.)

If I were visiting him, the choices would be relatively easy to figure out. Omaha is the home of stockyards, eastern European immigrants' descendants and the College World Series. So he'd likely take me out for a steak, some classic Czech cooking or a hot dog, even if it might cause "genetic mutation."

But what constitutes a classic Fort Collins meal, or even a classic Colorado meal, for that matter. It's not as if Fort Collins lacks good places to eat, but the best spots (in my opinion, Jay's Bistro and the Canyon Chop House) feature fusions of many cuisines, none of which Fort Collinsians were sampling in the '70s, let alone a century ago.

For "classic" Fort Collins cuisine, long-time residents tend to prefer places like Nico's Catacombs (in business since 1973), the Charco Broiler (serving charred and broiled beef since 1957) or Bisetti's (sticking things to the ceiling since 1979). But their longevity hardly stacks up to the century-old traditions in Omaha, and two of the restaurants specialize in Italian food, which belies Fort Collins' German-American and Latino heritages.

So where does one go for a traditional Fort Collins meal? Is it Consuelo's, the home of New Mexican cuisine in northern Colorado? How about the Moot House or the Crown Pub, both of which attempt to re-create and English pub setting? Or should we just head to Coopersmith's, which just might embody the essence of Fort Collins: homemade beer.

Let me know what you think.

My cousin arrives on Friday.

Rellenos bring autumn to life

Fort Collins' farmers markets may not rival Boulder's main market in terms of diversity or sheer volume of produce and pedestrians, but September is the perfect month to visit the local market and buy some roasted chiles.

And once you've purchased the chiles, there's no better use than to stuff them and serve them as rellenos.

Two questions arose when my wife asked me to make rellenos: Is there a way to avoid frying the rellenos (the traditional method)? Can we jam something besides cheese into the chiles?

Answers: Yes. Yes.

First, I found a recipe for baked rellenos from a restaurant in Los Angeles called Senor Pico's. With that in mind one Sunday, I purchased a half-gallon bag of roasted poblanos from the farmers' market at Harmony and Lemay.

However, when I first tried Pico's recipe, the egg (whites whipped to stiff peaks and yolks beaten) and butter mixture was too soupy at the end of the baking process. Thus, it slid off the luscious rellenos.

So this weekend, I added a half a box of Jiffy corn muffin mix to the eggs, and it sat up nicely, but might have been a bit too stiff. The coating stuck to both the rellenos and the pan. Next time, just a little less mix ought to do it.

Second, I've experimented with non-cheese stuffing for the rellenos. The most interesting and tasty result came from a mixture of local Hazel Dell baby shiitake mushrooms sauteed in olive oil and Native Seeds guajillo chile powder, and touch of sharp manchego cheese.

Of course, try out your own combinations. The chiles are tasty enough to cover any missteps you might make.

Buen provecho.

Grammar Fossil: Put me in a museum

Take me back to Ol' St. Deroin

Not many people choose to vacation in Nebraska, and even though it's my native state, I have to admit that my time there is spent largely with family and not spent looking for things that tourists might find interesting. (Scoffers, please note: Nebraska offers more than the I-80 Platte River Valley corridor, but you'd have to drive a ways to get there.)

Presented with a few spare minutes, however, after a cousin's August wedding this year, my wife and I decided to visit Indian Cave State Park, just outside Auburn, Neb., on the Missouri River. Keep in mind this is the forested, hilly Nebraska that most visitors have never or will never see.

In the park, Nebraska historians have recreated the 1860s village of St. Deroin, which was one of the first white settlements in the state. In the "new" old St. Deroin, several craftspersons -- a la Colonial Williamsburg -- show tourists how they survived in the woods and on the rolling banks of the Missouri River.

Some make beeswax candles, some brew lye soap, some forge horseshoes, and another ties whisk brooms. All sell the products to tourists.

The last person we visited sat quietly in a one-room schoolhouse on a stiflingly hot August afternoon. Alas, she had no crafts to sell, just some advice on the proper conjugations of the verbs lie and lay.

Upon returning to Fort Collins, I realized I was that old prairie woman in the schoolhouse. As I read the "internets" every day, and as I read increasingly sloppy print publications around town, I know now that my ilk are as anachronistic as the beeswax molder or the whisk-broom maker at Indian Cave.

And for you Fort Collins residents, here's the obligatory beer analogy:

Sure, there are people in the world who create small-batch craft beers, and those beers taste good and have a cult following among the faithful. But the vast majority of people in the U.S. sidle up to a Bud Light when they turn on "American Idol." The rest of us are just a bunch of special-interest loonies.

And that's the path of the English language over the past decade. As instant text messaging and blog posting become more prevalent and allow Americans to further ignore the basic tenets of precision and conciseness in writing, the more we move away from effective communication among the varied social classes, ethnicities and other differences that sometimes separate us.

In part, the problem lies with an educational system and parents who see writing as different and separate from precision. We're constantly told that someone can be a good writer despite not knowing how to spell, that creativity alone constitutes good writing.

Writing, however, relies on a three-legged stool of passion (creativity), precision (grammar, usage, mechanics) and patience (editing, over and over). And we tend not to teach that enough across the curriculum and at every level of education.

Luckily, I'm getting older, though, and as I age, the opportunities beyond traditional education should become greater for me. I'm looking forward to a ripe old age holed up in a vintage 20th-century big-box high school lovingly re-created at Colonial Leavittown or Smoky Hill State Park, chalk in ditto-stained hand, lecturing about the virtues of a properly punctuated compound sentence.

If you visit me there, please be kind and leave a tip in the jar.